Sporting Crap internet

cRHaving been an avid sports fan all my life and picking up my English language skills in my early teens by being interested in cricket, football and baseball  and reading every coaching manual in existence for lack of actual knowledge in my home country, The Netherlands, getting to listen to sports talk radio once the internet starting to take off was an amazing treat. Apart from the occasional expert host or guest from the industry, there is not much knowledge on the air but just the banter going on entertains me, the dumb fan calling in entertains me more and the community  it creates for some people  I think adds to society in a rough and tumble world. Here are some of my favorites.

-          I think the first sports radio show I listened to was ‘The opposites’ with Matt Spiegel and a guy that got dumped fairly quickly afterwards for what I suspect was ‘activities outside the organization’, Scott Wetzel. Spiegel carried a show smartly called ‘the morning show’ with new partner Bill Lekas on ‘Sporting News Radio’ for several years. Now working in Chicago local sports talk, Spiegel blends in sports with mainstream pop culture, being lead man in a tribute band, Tribitosaurus and an all around funny man.

-          I would like to add the name of Tony Bruno to this list, having lost track of him, all I can say is he enjoyed ‘Amsterdam’ banter more than actual sports while hosting his show from the West Coast with buddy Mark Willard. Getting the courtesy of never waiting on hold was awesome!

-          Arnie Spanier, most abrasive guy, attacking guy in sports radio! Had a career moving all over the place. Hoarse voice and being quick of tongue making this guy pretty likeable! Gave me the word ‘hunsky’ to use, which I will always be thankful for. Now in Texas Spanier seems to have toned down tunes a bit but is still worth listening to!

-          Mike Francesa. As I moved to New York, local radio becomes more prevalent. In the country’s biggest media market, Mike Francesa dominates drive time radio in the afternoon! After his well publicized break  up with 20 year partner Chris ‘Mad Dog’ Russo’  he remains the arrogant voice of NYC sports talk. Blessed with a great voice yet saving his interviewing skills only for revered  sports figures he is probably the most criticized host this side of the Mississippi!

GTL, gym tan, laundry, the real story

As on my Facebook postings the sequence ‘gym, tan, laundry’ has started popping up repeatedly, most Dutch friends and  some people not familiar with ‘The Jersey Shore’ tv show, have actually taken things out of context a little bit and feared that I have started to frequent tanning beds etc, while mostly I just make fun of a tv show… To fill you in…

What is ‘The Jersey Shore’? Well, basically it’s a Mtv reality show about a sextet (pun intended) of Italian American 20 somethings spending their summer on the beach in New Jersey, partying, drinking and trying to hook up. Where here in the US Mike ‘The Situation, Snooky, Pauly et all caused quite a stir for being immoral, it probably would not hit much of a blib on the Duutch radarscreen of shocking TV as it is merely a tamer version of spending a few weeks in Salou, with the understanding that they actually cannot hold their liquor nor are able to actually get any real ‘action’.

What is ‘GTL’? In the guys’ quest to be the ultimate ‘Guido’, a well groomed (uhum), good looking, suave Italian American, there are three core activities in a day. Going to the gym, tanning at the tanning bed (even if it’s 90 degrees and sunny out) then doing laundry before going out at night: GTL.

Why the heck do I use it? Good question. Well, those of you who know me a little bit, appreciate my infatuation with the inane. David Hasselhoff, the Dos Equis man, OJ Simpson, sports radio hosts, all just ridiculous figures that somehow make it to cult status and subject of rather lame remarks in my sometimes disturbed little mind. Gym, tan, laundry is of the same level. People I talk to regularly will get that I will just sit out in the sun for 5 minutes just to ‘get GTL in’ and harp on ‘The Jersey Shore’ for a it, as obviously the getting to the gym is one of the pillars of my life and laundry a bare necessity.

In short, for those of you who already knew ‘The Jersey Shore’, I am not turning into Mike Sorrentino or DJ Pauly D. For those of you who didn’t, the health of my skin is not in jeopardy by suddenly getting obsessed with my tan… It’s just ‘one of those things’…

Dudes in the City

After ranting about ‘Sex and the City’ in my last blog I decided on launching the same show but instead of having four female friends talk about relationships, four guys will do the honors. The ‘show’ could be aired in the 7th inning stretch of a baseball game. I am not quite sure about the setting yet. A frat house? A locker room? A law firm? A bar? A construction site? Ah, what the heck, it doesn’t really matter.

Four guys sit down with beers in their hands and talk about the night they out and about over the weekend.

Dude 1 to dude 2: Dude, you were talking to a hot chick there man, did you get laid?

Dude 2 to all: No, man, she was a total ice queen.

Dude 2 to dude 3: How about you, bro, you get laid?

Dude 3 to all: Yeah, man, I got hammered and thought it was a good idea to go home with her. Man, I woke up and thought ‘Moose’. God, what a night.

Dude 2 to dude 3: Mooooooose. Loser!!!! She any good?

Dude 3 to all: I don’t remember, man, I was smashed. I hurled then got outta there in the morning.

All: Duuuuuude

Dude 3 to dude 4: How about you, bro, you were talking to a babe…

Dude 4 to dude 3: Bro, have been seeing the same girl for months… You know that.

Dude 1 to dude 4: So…

Dude 4 to all: Really, dude, am happy, she is sweet, cute and I get more than you all combined.

Dude 2 to dude 4: Whatever, dude, you’re getting boring, man. Get with the program.

Dude 4 to dude 2: Duuuude…?

Dude 1: So how about them Cowboys?

As the conversation turns to sports lights fade and we return to the baseball.

It will be a very cost effective production as we can show the same segment over and over for many a season…

The bottom line: I am not saying guys are better, just different.

Coming to a theater near you… And that is a threat!

I met a guy the other day who apparently had been lost on an island for the last 7 years or so and he asked about this movie coming out called ‘Sex and the City’ and what the whole deal with it was. After having my life intruded by this alleged phenomenon I was not even sure how to answer it, so it got me thinking… What is ‘Sex and the City’ and why?

To me ‘SatC’, as it now lovingly is called, is about that guy from Law & Order’, who along with a bartender, a couple of gay guys and the rest of the male population of Manhattan tries to put up with the four most obnoxious, judgmental, self absorbed females to ever walk 5^th avenue.

I realize some might not agree with this so let me point out the main characters, a group of 4 female friends, in mainstream opinion:

Matthew Broderick’s Wife          

One of the main character has a newspaper column about her failing love life. She is nervous, insecure and obsessive. She thinks she is flirty but really is just flighty. Thinks she is a fashion icon but really scares men off with hideous looks. For it is too arduous to keep referring to her as Matthew Broderick’s wife, I’ll call her ‘Carrie’ for the sake of this blog.

The bitchy lawyer who doesn’t understand how to use the pill

The resident redhead of the show is a rather bossy lawyer who feels superior to the other 3 and pretends to be more grounded than her pals. Wannabe alpha male in woman’s body. Granted she gets knocked up out of wedlock by a bartender she doesn’t even think she likes and is as insecure as the rest of them but hey, who let’s reality get in the way of her self image. For the sake of this blog she shall be called ‘Miranda’.

More obsessive compulsive girl

While all characters show nervousness and insecurity they try to hide by being self righteous and obnoxious and act as God’s gift to men, the brunette is more obsessed with being perfect and failing at it worse than any other. Pretending to be miss prim and proper she sleeps around like the others and is the first one to actually get a divorce, which allows her to prance around the city doing nothing full time on her ex hubbies dime until she finds a richer number 2. We shall call her ‘Charlotte’.

I am 40 but still think I am 20, come and take me

The Queen ‘hedonist’ of the group is also the senior citizen in the group. Not a guy in the city allegedly that doesn’t know her intimately. I’ll give her at least she is open and honest about it, wears it as a badge of honor, unlike the other three who pretend to be prude and hard to get. It is, however, sad to see a  40 year old woman prance around like college girl on spring break, while her deep voice probably got left behind in development as she is fairly monotonous in her speech. Samantha would be a suitable name.

Minor characters include ‘Carrie’s husband’, that guy from law and order, aka Chris Noth. Bartender, father of Miranda’s baby. And a couple of gay guys for the girls to be complain to.

A scene from the show/ movie could go like this.

The four women board an airplane at LaGuardia, talking frantically and too loud. Flight attendant calls them out on too much hand luggage. Argument ensues about how you never can carry too much Louis Vuitton. The four feel mistreated and let the whole plane know about it. Insipid talk. Pilot announces “My name is Chesley Sullenburger, I will be your captain on this flight’. Plane takes off, bird hit plane, Sully lands plane on the Hudson. Panic…

Will the cast perish? No, we’re not that lucky. Let’s listen in on the conversation as water starts to gush into the plane.

Carrie:                   Oh, the water is ruining my Pradas, what am I gonna do?

Charlotte:            Carrie, don’t worry, you’ll look fabulous drowning.

Carrie:                   You really think so, Charlotte? Thank you!

Miranda:              Ladies, can we focus, we could die here!

Samantha:          No we won’t! Ladies, aren’t we forgetting something? It’s Fleetweek. We will certainly be rescued by some hunky coastguard guy.

All:                          Oh YESSSSS

As coast guards guy enters the plane Samantha shoves children out of the way to get to him first grabbing his privates as he carries her out of the plane.

If this kind of banter agrees with you, Saturday is your lucky day! If not hide from any and all talk shows until then as the cast is out in full force promoting this double dose of horse poop to whomever wants to listen. I recommend ESPN, C-Span and National Geographic channel as the only safe option on cable right now.

My favorite things… In the gym!!!

Having been involved in organized athletics in one capacity or another since age 6 and been focusing on fitness and personal training for the last few years more and more I have become alarmed by the lack of imagination people use in their work outs, going through the same routine throughout their cycle. I appreciate it is hard enough as it is to make your way to the gym, but as you set into the comforts of a routine so does your body, being less and less challenged by repetition even as you increase weight, repetitions or time spend doing the exercise!

I could write chapters on my personal theories and preferences in working out but that would be a bit outside of the scope of a simple blog. Let me today just pick out a few upper body exercises that you don’t see in the gym every day but can give your workout a crisp new twist.

Zottman Curl (Biceps, brachioradiales)

Stand Holding a pair of dumbbells with a supinated (back of hands pointing to the floor) grip just outside your thighs. Begin by curling the weights up towards your shoulders. At the top of the movement, rotate your wrists so that your palms face down (pronated grip) and lower the dumbbells back down to the starting position. At the bottom go back to a supinated grip again and continue.

Unilateral triceps extension with a lean (Triceps)

Sit croassways on an exercise bench with a dumbbell in one hand extended above you head. Lean over to the opposite and brace yourself with the opposite arm. Keeping your torso leaned to your nonworking side, lower the dumbbell down behind your head until it almost reaches the base of your neck. Pause then raise the weight back into starting position. Leaning to one side increases the difficulty level by making it harder to straighten your arm out at the top of the repetition.

Dumbbell prone Scarecrow (External rotators, shoulders)

Set an incline bench to 45 degrees. Holding a pair of light dumbbells, lie chest down on the bench. Raise your upper arms so they’re perpendicular to your torso and parallel to the floor. Bend your elbows 90 degrees so your forearms hang straight down towards the floor. Keeping your elbows, wrists and upper arms in fixed positions, rotate the weight up and back as far as you can, you want your shoulder to act like hinges, your arms like swinging gates. Pause, lower, repeat.

Cable muscle up (Upper trapezius, shoulders, biceps, triceps)

Stand facing a cable station with an e-z bar or a straight bar handle attached to the pulley. Begin by performing a cable upright row by drawing your elbows up toward the ceiling. Once you get the bar to just above your collarbone, rotate your forearms underneath the bar and then press it overhead by extending your arms. Pause, lower, repeat.

Double pull down (Upper back, biceps)

Stand inside a cable crossover with the stirrup handles attached to the high pulleys. Kneel down and keep your torso as straight up as possible as you pull your arms down and in towards your body. When your elbows are slightly behind your back, pause and return to the starting position.

Reverse grip bench press (Chest, shoulders, triceps)

This advanced version of the bench press really targets the front deltoids. Simply lie down and grab the bar with a supinated, shoulder width grip. Lower the bar down towards the midline of the chest, pause, and then press it back up to the starting position.

Perfect simple spring shrimp sandwich

As cooking is my favorite relaxation and some would people say I throw random ingredients together with reckless abandon but great success, every now and then I will share some of my creations on this blog.

My theory on mixing ingredients is simple. If ingredient a goes well with ingredient b and b goes well with c, most likely a and c will go together as well. Obviously this doesn’t always hold true but I have had some success with pretty surprising things.

To ease everyone into this, I won’t start off with anything adventurous but rather a nice basic spring sandwich.

You need:

½ hero sandwich

10 extra large cooked and peeled shrimps

cream cheese

chives

½ chopped tomato

finely chopped red onion to taste

salt and pepper to taste

Tabasco to taste

Mix shrimp, chives, tomato and red onion in bowl. Spread cream cheese on sandwich, add the mix from the bowl, add salt, pepper and Tabasco to taste…

I told you it was easy. Enjoy!

Life’s conundrums?

Sometimes life can present you with tough questions and bad trade offs. What do you do

when your hot date insists on going to see Sex and the City 2?

when the Backstreet Boys do a cover of your favorite song?

when the Today Show and the Early Show are your only tv options?

when the in laws show up at a day you can take off  from work?

when your favorite player gets traded to the Yankees?

when Chesley Sullenburger announces himself as the captain on your flight?

when your burger only comes with a side of Brussels Sprouts?

when you want to go to a concert but it is out in New Jersey?

when Jesse James talks to your wife?

when you’re asked fish or chicken?